Thursday, April 17, 2014

Confessions and Boobs

So it's time for an update again after leaving things be for a week or so!
(Remember, these are pre-written blogs as I'm almost 2 weeks away from my 3rd tri now!! Current blogs coming soon!!)
I have since battled the bathroom madness of hanging my head over a toilet, but again not as bad as last pregnancy. 
Praise God! However... My issues with eating foods and getting that yuck response is indeed worse this round. I have trouble even standing in my kitchen looking for a meal some days! Let alone my son's food sometimes KILLS me when I feed him *sigh* yay. I've had my mom feed him a couple times because I almost lost my food and she laughs at me while telling me to go lay down.
And while we're talking about things that kill me with my son, here's another... Poopy diapers. Oh. My goodness. I have a really strong diaper stomach but if you saw me lately you'd call me a liar. I have the worst time with poopy diapers and sometimes I can't even be in the same room when he's going. (My son has a gift for stink.) There was one morning my hubby brought him to me for morning cuddles and he had to take him right back because I had to run for the bathroom. I'm feeling like a pansy right now to be honest.
Can't change my kid's poopy diapers most of the time and I feel like gagging standing in our kitchen. 

I also have the return of that horrid pregnancy dry throat and that gorgeous random gag reflex. It's beautiful, let me tell you...

So my doctor and I are off to a good start and she was glad to respect my wishes for a more non invasive pregnancy. This means no internal exams unless there's a threat to me or the baby or when labor kicks in and all that jazz starts to go down. I'm very supportive of a woman who just wants to let her body go and work with it vs watching herself like pot being set to boil. Sometimes the more you're checked the higher the risk for complications during labor and delivery. Now if you're high risk to start off with there are places for things to be different seeing as safety of mom and baby are very important! 

Our first official visit consisted of getting my weight, haven't lost or gained any. Last time on my first checkup with my midwife I had already gained 10lbs! Of course peed in a cup. Talked about nutrition (Yet nothing near like what a midwife covers on that topic) and working out. Set a plan in motion for labor/delivery based off her professional opinion and she thinks it's okay to indeed try for a VBAC. Heard little 2.0's heartbeat at 164! Blood work and set up an ultrasound appt. then a follow up visit.

Google search

My bust has how shall we say this... Taken the liberty to be even more independent this time? I wish I could remove the girls and leave them home some days! As if I wasn't busty enough the first round ;) I'm in bigger trouble with this baby, no pun intended. 

I've had to take Tylenol PM more this pregnancy for survival sake. I hate drugs but this momma needs her sleep when her head is trying to murder her! I also still use Coke to sometimes aid my upset tummy when sea bands are feeling a bit constrictive. So those two things don't have me entirely proud but I am trying to be alive enough to care for a VERY active baby boy. He is all over the place and doesn't really know how to sit still some days. Sometimes he will use nap time as "personal play time" how can one sleep when she hears a chatter box in her ear?! At night I can shut it out no problem it's day time I have trouble. 

Aaaanyway, those are my "confessions", I won't hide the little details that don't make me particularly happy like I said. 
I'm very honest with you guys!
If I did a daily vlog you'd see just how real both myself and my family are.. I think we're a hoot personally! 
(We used to scare the pants of my baby sister's boyfriend;)

Shannon <3

PS. Does anybody ever have format issues here on Blogger? I go nuts sometimes! I know I'm not the best proofreader when I slam out my work but the format glitches are salt in the wound. ;)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Morning Sickness with #2

Well, I haven't got away from getting sick but things have been better than last pregnancy as I said before.
This is what I never snapped a shot of last pregnancy and this is taaaaame... Broken capillaries after a visit to the toilet.

Things I've learned so far:

1. I've learned protein is a HUGE help and not to eat the same thing over and over again. 

2. Plain water is not good on my stomach so unfortunately so I'm not getting my regular 100 + oz as of late. 
Gatorade is a help and I know, I know it's not the best thing since the sugar and all but it's helping.
3. Lots and lots of food aversions so when I don't feel sick nothing sounds all that wonderful.

14ish weeks :)

My chiro raised the center table for my belly since I popped and I now have people at work shocked at how much belly there is, and yes, I was flat before we got pregnant with this 2nd bundle!

My level of tired has grown even more, so I'm resting when my little is down for his naps and/or of he's playing alone and happy. 
I am able to workout between 4-10 min and if I'm consistent that's still loads better than last time!

My sleep has gotten better tho!! Praise God!! I still have ugh nights but they are much, much less!! 

Let's revisit nausea for a second...

So after my annoyance with talking to my dr about some prenatal aids to help with nausea (Out of curiosity and yes I dared to talk with them again after my frustration over the sleep help.) I decided to go for Sea Bands. They are insanely ugly but you can't be picky when you're trying to be as healthy as possible. And for those who might not know what these odd little things are they're a band for your wrist that hits a pressure point to help relieve nausea. This is good for boats, travel, morning sickness etc
I'm on my first day and so far there seems to be relief! I'm not sick with my head in the toilet but I do have that yuck not sure what I can eat or drink feeling... In fact I've gone from downing water L&R to hardly able to tolerate it. Lots of ick responses to food again like I mentioned above and I HATE that because I'm a "foody". But these Sea bands seems to help! I do notice I need more calcium, magnesium and protein and when I have that balance I feel much better.

Google search

I think some morning sickness is due to something we might be lacking in our bodies/diet, not just the hormone changes. I also believe in pushing as far past that gunk as possible and not talking yourself into being sick. I mentioned last time I can't stand hearing, "My mom was SO sick...I'm doomed!" Not really. Talk to somebody who knows their nutrition and isn't just going to pass you a script. Meds should be a very last resort during pregnancy!


These Sea Bands seem good so far and I hope they help me get at least 3 small workouts in a week or at least stay way more active than last time. *Update (Several weeks later)* They worked wonders and are worth a shot!!! Saved my tush at work even though I had darling clients telling me it was okay if I had to run and puke. So sweet :)

Shannon <3 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Pregnancy Insomnia and Medications

Slight rant :)

You've been warned.

My TBI and these hormone changes are sometimes killer! 
I never know if it'll be a good day or a bad day and so far the insomnia is kicking my butt with a little tummy yuck on the side. 
My lack of sleep is starting to REALLY show so I reluctantly decided to call my doctor's office and talk with a nurse...

I was curious if a dark cherry supplement (that boosts melatonin levels naturally) might help me out? 
Or a simple melatonin capsule maybe? 
Other natural options I've used before for occasional restlessness I know aren't safe for pregnancy/nursing. 
I do my own research as you know but I'm not about to test something when pregnant if I'm not feeling %100 secure.

I was asked lots of questions, 
Asked twice if I was on any meds, 
Asked if I was sure I wanted a natural method vs a medical one etc...

The cherry method turns out isn't safe and it has the potential to cause birth defects... Nope never mind. 

The melatonin is still being researched and therefore she didn't know, however on the internet I hear it can be safe and there haven't been issues reported. But I'd like to be cautious seeing as there's nothing stating 100% yes or no.
So I'll stick with getting up and moving to the couch, drinking something warm, the sound app on my phone, youtube etc. 
It's keeping me sane. TIRED but sane. :) 

In the end they gave me a list of 5 meds... 
3 are a "hell no" (Ambien, Luna and Unisom) the other two I took maybe 5 times last pregnancy (Tylenol PM and Benadryl) I didn't feel too worried about those choices.The nurse had no idea of what a natural method looked like so I hung up feeling quite upset and frustrated.

Via the NY Times article

I've received flack before for posting on pregnancy and medication via my personal fb page and I realize I may get some doing this. 
But I believe too many mommies/people go into taking medications blindly and don't know the full risks behind them. The FDA doesn't know about the full repercussions of taking medications and I'm past saying they really care if they're getting paid. I'm more of a "crunchy" "homeopathic" momma if you haven't gathered and it takes a lot for me to consider a medication before taking one. 
Let alone if I'm growing a baby! 

Let's not forget some medication saves lives, I needed some when giving birth to my son. 
Wisdom is key, wisdom is valuable when it comes to stuff like this.
I will never stop saying, "Do your research before you act!"

(Here's a link I found, thought it was a good read:

I'm having trouble making a clickable link so I guess the old copy/paste method will have to do...

Maybe consider this blog a disclaimer for select future blogs, 
I love my doctor so far but I'm also staying true to my natural roots during my pregnancy like I did last time. 
I drive the medical industry crazy at times but they do the same for me in return. 
I think we will manage okay in the end. :) 

Shannon <3 

Monday, April 7, 2014

First Trimester with Baby #2!

* The next few blogs I wrote in my first tri and seeing as I have 4 weeks left in my 2nd you'll be updated quickly!!*

12ish weeks

How am I feeling so far?:

1. Well, so far things are better on some notes vs my first pregnancy; I'm not living with my head in the toilet and I keep telling myself I won't as personal motivation. I REFUSE to live in the stupid bathroom this time!! Food adversions are still here. 

2. This time I have the WORST pregnancy insomnia. Ever. So if I thought I was tired after a long day at work and then home to be with my family and chase my peanut while he explores his world...I hadn't seen anything yet! Weighing the pros and cons this vs constant puking? I think I'd rather be sleep deprived however hellish it is. With the insomnia comes a nasty case of RLS (restless leg syndrome). I have this due to the TBI and it's becomes worse during pregnancy and this time it's showing me zero mercy. I sit and plot drinking the whole container of Natural Calm some nights. But I think I'll try upping my calcium first. :) Esp since the Natural Calm doesn't make my tummy feel all that great this time. 

3. I'm hungry but not FAMISHED like last time. I do find the hunger annoying just like last time esp since I felt it ALL during nursing and had JUST got it to end when we stopped only to turn around and start it all over again. *sigh* I do get queasy if I let it of too long. Like right now.
4. My body temp has been crazy high and that kills me at night sometimes, my husband is a giant heat producer so I in turn kill him. *slight evil grin (Payback)*  It's a vicious cycle some nights. I try to get up and move to the couch so I can at least get some sleep and let the poor hubby sleep as well. He however informs me come morning my pillow was a poor substitute. He loves me :)

Fears or concerns?:

Yes and yes.
Last time I was feeling less than ready to be a new mom, would I even be a good mom? 
To make a potentially long blog longer I am happier and more fulfilled then ever!!!
This time it's hospital/dr anxiety and the fear of another horrible birthing experience... 
When I said I'm terrified of hospitals I wasn't joking.
 I also feel like I'm betraying myself and my beliefs in birth and how I believe it was designed to go. 

In other words... 
I'm being WAY too hard on myself :)

Clothing woes:

Clothing is difficult as I was seeing results from FINALLY being able to workout again and getting back into my sexy yoga pants to my waist line freaking out already and my bellying popping. I look pregnant! Trying to hide it is tricky... Cause some shirts make me look short and "fat" haha My family says I'm crazy. So my goal is to keep a routine this time and be more active so I don't gain excess weight like last time. 
Speaking of last time and weight gain it was due to the fact I was struck but such horrid conditions with my back that I could hardly walk most days. I switched to a chiro 3rd tri who understands pregnancy to a T and even kept up seeing him after having my son. Things are looking much brighter this time so I don't see why I won't be able to at least keep up with some sorta workout routine!


Let's talk boobs for a second... 
You knew this was coming ;)
I was a perky 36 C pre baby and I liked that. A lot.

I could pick any bra from VS I wanted and walk out the door happy. *swoon* It was love!
At the height of nursing when my milk finally came in I grew to a DDD! (yipe!!)
Post nursing I dropped to a 38 D and stayed put. 
 They don't tell you that bra shopping becomes a whole new experience all together. 
A frustrating one. 
Couldn't have too much of a push-up for that sexy date next week, they'll just plain fall out if you bend over... 
I was just learning how to function with those "new" suckers too and then they up and start growing again! 
Can't a tiny girl catch a break?! 
I'm already busting out of a new sports bras I JUST bought!

God's a funny guy... Just saying.
I guess all my adolescent "grumping" is coming back to bite me in the butt.


Lost my sexy yoga pants and now I'm loosing the sports bra I bought to go with them... 
And would you believe I JUST sold my nursing tops and bras??
I thought no more kiddos to maybe another in 3 years? 
Yup. Win for me. 
The good thing is I know the momma's needed them and therefore I'm far from upset.

Talk at you later! 

Shannon <3

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Two Under 2?!?!

Got some news!!!
Some VERY shocking news.

We're pregnant with #2! 

10 mos after having my son, Kylan, we learned baby #2 was on their merry way! 
Absolutely nuts considering we JUST talked about a 3yr plan to revisit the very idea of another. 
20%of me wanted another peanut and 70% didn't...

If you read the birth story of my first (Which it won't let me link... Grrr!) you might understand why I was so cautious about doing this again.  
My birth experience was nothing God didn't see coming and it didn't throw Him for a loop but it threw me for one.
However needed our trials are to make us stronger, it was hell and a half for me and the very reason I haven't blogged about being a new mom. Breaks my heart too because I have so much to share/update!! I've seriously felt so off and needed to put all my energy into caring for our baby boy that I even had to stop nursing my son at 7 mos due to loosing ground on my healing because of the massive calorie output. Even a good diet didn't help me I was felt weak, so weak no matter how much sleep I got it never helped. I was pale and looked like a Walker from the Walking Dead. Well, at least I thought so. *wink* So it's not for a lack of ignoring my small group of readers! I've simply been trying to survive. I'm not sure what to fully expect this time around but I'm keeping my chin up. 

God has a reason for this little one coming and in that I'm thrilled!!

On that note...

This pregnancy already feels different in most ways but others not so much. 
One thing that's driving me batty is the insomnia. Oh my goodness!!! I'm not only pooped due to working pt again, caring for my little and now this?! True and utter madness, I've had waxing clients have their jaws drop when they hear how much sleep I'm NOT getting. And if that doesn't show it my lack of proper talking/communication does. I sound like a babbling idiot! I miss sleep... My son has spoiled me with how good he's done since he was 8 weeks old, sleeping an average 10 hours a night and if I'm lucky 2, 2 hour naps during the day. I am blessed. (Right now he's trying to convince me he doesn't need a 2nd nap but mommy knows better.)

That's the biggest difference so far, haven't felt too sick yet...

We have also decided to go with a hospital/OB this time instead of a home birth/midwife...

Why you may ask?

Not for lack of believing in our midwife Jessica or lack of support for home birth vs hospital birth. I still say a home birth is the better way to go but my case seems to indicate maybe not (And those cases are out there! Some need the aid of a hospital to have a safer birth). Obviously not my first pick and you know me if you've read my stuff as to why, I'm not 100% anti medical field but I also have a very thin line of trust for it. In saying that I must say this...Doctors did save the life of both my son and myself, I can't deny that! However there's a residual PTSD-like sensation from my time in the hospital and the idea of going back isn't a pleasant one, regardless if it looks to be the safest option. We are even considering a doula this time to keep the home-like feeling with us. 

I had those who said I was CRAZY for trying a home birth and those who didn't say it had the look written all over their face. 
Then I had those who would hug me in learning that was my choice, people I randomly met in the checkout line usually. Do I feel like I made a stupid choice to try? No way! I feel like had I not I would've lived with some pretty massive regret. A woman posses more power in giving birth than what most give her credit for!
But our reason for going with my dr vs our midwife is me respecting the hearts of my husband and family. How I wish my midwife worked with the dr office I am registered with. I'd give my right arm... Not to negate my dr bc she's Christian and very respectful of my wishes thus far. It'll just be a journey to build some trust but it's one I'm willing to work for. :) As you can see I have some extremely mixed emotions that are God-sized and I'm willing to let Him work His grace in this and see this new adventure in a positive light!

So follow me once again as I document and discuss my progress and various topics surrounding the new pregnancy/baby due end of Summer 2014!

8 Weeks! (Roughly) 

Shannon <3

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Care Down There... (PBVS's)

I've realized I still have first pregnancy blogs to write and wanted to slap this one together before my son wakes up! Fingers crossed... I doubt it, I hear him stirring... One moment please... ;)


There are still some things I'd like to touch on for you beautiful future mommies!
This one may be TMI for some and others not to much.
Just depends on your personality I guess :)

I would like to touch on post baby care for down below...

Have you thought of this yet?


Now's the time because if you're like me, you didn't think you'd end up having a C section.
Yup, you still need to give down there some TLC even after a c/s!

Here are my PBVS's:
(Post Baby Vaj Savers)

1. I would suggest investing in some large and VERY absorbent liners and/or using as many as the hospital gives you. Heck, ask for more to stalk up before you leave!
(You'll need it.)

2. Either make, buy/use witch hazel wipes. 
These will help you feel clean and help ease any inflammation.

3. Once you're past the super tender part and/or your bleeding has slowed you can use basic wipes for female care. (Again, make or buy.) These are a life saver for feeling clean and refreshed!

4. Shower or bathe in a tub when needed or desired. 
Baths with herbs and Epsom salts that are for post baby care esp!
(I had to wait 6 weeks till I could enjoy a bath after my c/s)

5. Some mommas have sworn by making witch hazel dampened liners and freezing them if you had a vaginal birth; I didn't but I've heard stories that made me file this away as another PBVS! 

** If you had a c/s you may want to get a shower bench to help out since standing is sometimes VERY painful! They're sold at any Wally Word, Walgreens, Target etc

Hope this offered some help :)

Shannon <3 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Kylan's birth story

Where to start...

This is not the birth story I had intended on writing but it's the one I was given.

Many, if not all of you knew I was planning a home birth. However it's funny how God begins to prep your heart and you don't even know it's happening. The best thing we can do is sit back and let Him take the wheel...

I had pre labor contractions off and on from the end of Jan till Feb 13th which was my sister's graduation from TSPA. During her graduation I was excited for her but very antsy at the same time, I could feel things in my body shifting and changing, it was thrilling!

I woke up feeling funny the 15th and started cramping which didn't ease up so I knew labor was right around the corner. About dinner time I went to the bathroom and saw my first sign of "Bloody show" (Mucus plug fall out). I called Kyle (my husband) downstairs to show him and in doing so I watched him jump for joy around our room, "The baby's coming soon!!!" he rejoiced. The hug he gave me had me asking for air to breathe, he was beaming! We told my family and they joined in our celebration that new life was soon coming into this world. Not long after my cramps intensified, this was plenty confirmation labor was due any hour/day. My body kept me up off and on that night with random contractions, they varied in pain and length. I didn't care, I was excited! Kyle would check on me if I made any indicator a contraction was more than just a little blip. I maybe got 4 hours of sleep? (Kyle says I got less.) The next day I was uncomfortable as you can guess and just waited as my body prepped. I honestly don't remember that day other than waiting, waiting, waiting...

Saturday night came and I went from pre labor to labor!

At first I wasn't quite sure how to relax because I was met with SO many emotions and was eager to get the show on the road! I talked via txt with my best friend Diana
 while I labored so between her and my husband they helped keep me patient. I quickly shifted into active labor shortly after 2:30 a.m. I txt my midwife to update her as I had already let her know about the cramping etc. The contractions weren't close enough to fill the pool and get in but they were growing in frequency and intensity, we had Jessica (Our midwife) on standby.

There's something I never considered nor remembered about how my body deals with pain.

Esp new pain.

With my TBI my body will shut down after long drawn out times of pain and stop it by cutting off sensation. This is not good when it comes to a woman in labor! In fact it's very detrimental when you're contractions are roughly 1.5 min long and almost solidly 5 min apart. We were 30 min out from having our midwife come when the worst hit and my body very quickly shut down... I was on my yoga ball in the middle of a contraction with my upper body resting on the bed when I felt the wave hit me. 10 min came and went before the next contraction and that contraction lasted only seconds. 20 min came and went... Nothing. My midwife said to try and sleep some and to txt her when I woke up. I slept for maybe and 1.5 hours and was woken once again by intense contractions so Jessica stopped over to check on me and said I was 90% effaced and barely 1cm dilated. After all of that...

Labor continued Sunday and drifted into Sunday evening, I was weary as we pressed long into the night. Both of my parents came to our room helping take some weight off Kyle since he still hadn't slept a wink. We are ever grateful for their support, we couldn't have done it without them!! They took shifts as I found a focal point and relaxed with each contraction, had plenty of time to get it right by that point. ;)

Jessica came back to check me Monday morning and said there was no change and my heart broke. She said in her professional opinion I wouldn't be able to handle another night of zero sleep and hard labor so I needed to transfer to a hospital. She wanted me to be induced and to have an epidural to help my body along. For her to say this meant she saw a real need for such interventions, I trust her 100%. She copied all my records and gave me the name of a doctor to try. We made contact and were told to go to the hospital right away vs coming to the office. I packed a bag for myself and our baby boy. My world was spinning in circles as I felt contractions coming and going and I was faced with my greatest fear, going to the hospital. The only joy I found was in the fact God was in control and my baby was still on his way. The baby's heartbeat was still good each time our midwife checked, this too helped ease us into the transition of needing to change our plans so drastically. I can remember crying as we prepped to go, I wanted my baby born at home!

We got to the hospital, they took me back to a small room and I was sickened by what little they did to check both me and the baby. They pulled the medical card of "knowing better" and didn't want to hear how the head injury affected me with all of this. From there it turned into an even bigger nightmare....
The doctor we planned to see decided my case didn't sound very serious after all and so she wanted me to see the on call doc. The doctor on call said I wasn't worth coming into work 30 min early for and to send me home with sleeping pills that I simply needed sleep and wasn't/hadn't been in labor. (If the medical community was looking for ways to boost my confidence in them they were doing a bang up job at this point.) This was said without checking the baby via ultrasound or anything, I was hooked up for some minor monitoring and that's it. My contractions had lessoned due to my hospital anxiety I developed post head injury and that gave them even more reason to send me home. Nobody would listen. (I wonder if Mary and Joseph felt like this when looking for a safe place to have Jesus... Gave me a little more perspective that's for sure.) I told them no thank you to the sleeping pill because it wasn't safe to ingest still being pregnant, I had done my research and knew what the side effects looked like. They tried to convince me otherwise but I assured them I had gone into this pregnancy well educated.
Something was very wrong, little did we know just how wrong the situation really was. The nurse gave me a long list of reasons to return and had me sign a paper discharging me. I didn't feel like arguing, even if some of things on that list were already taking place. They didn't believe me and that was that. Jessica told me to go home, collect myself, to eat something and maybe take a nap before heading to the next hospital. There had to be some phone calls made to see if they'd first take me so we headed home. I tried not to feel depressed over this matter in fact I felt more shock than anything.

 As soon as we got out the door my contractions kicked back up again, it's like my body was relieved to be out of that hostile environment and relaxed enough to let me proceed. We got home and they came 5 min apart almost 2 min long, I wanted to eat and I wanted sleep but my body wouldn't let me get more than some wonton soup and a spring role in me. (Whoever said you're not hungry when in labor... They lied... I was eating the entire time it made me so hungry!) Mom called the next hospital in tears begging for somebody to take her daughter. God placed a kind ear on the line and spoke tenderness into their hearts, they agreed to see me. I could feel my body growing weaker with each passing hour so I prayed they'd find reason to keep me; the baby began to move less and that started to worry me. I wasn't able to stay too hydrated either as I oddly needed the bathroom more than usual. Kyle had a hunch to weigh me seeing as my feet looked far from swollen, this wasn't the norm for me at this point of my pregnancy. It turns out I had dropped 10 lbs, what on earth was going on?? Water weight or no water weight, something was very, very wrong...

Getting checked in, changed and hooked up to the machines I was already shown more tender care inside of 20 min at this new location than I had the entire time at the other. The care God showered me with in the nurse that was taking care of me was so incredible! They hooked me up to a machine that showed my contractions, the baby's movements and heartbeat. Right off the bat they noticed the baby's movements weren't what they should be. Giving me cranberry juice and ice water they wanted to see what rehydrating me would do and it proved to do very little for our little man. They ordered an ultrasound as the deciding factor if they'd keep me or not, this nurse wouldn't tell me how worried she truly was and did a good job hiding it from me. The ultrasound showed the amniotic fluid was dangerously low. That right there was more than enough for them to take what my midwife suggested and put it into action.

I was now in the process of being admitted...

The plan was to have me moved to labor and delivery, hook me up to an iv with fluids, start the induction with pitocin, get the epidural and hopefully let my body relax enough so I could dilate and hopefully deliver him in several hours time. (No, I wasn't thrilled either but these interventions were designed for such times.) Getting the epidural wasn't the horror I thought it would be, in fact, they did it so quickly I felt very little pain, I was thrilled! (The iv hurt worse as my sister had warned.)

I think I threw up due to those meds over 5 times! I was told to sleep if I could and I inwardly laughed, me being to intensely watched and them shifting me from side to side every hour, checking my progress occasionally... Yeah right! All in all I did my best to chill. I tried to pray but my heart hurt too much for actual words.

Jessica looked pensive as she checked me and watched the screen. The doctors decided they needed to insert and internal unit to watch the baby's heartbeat and In order to do that they had to break my water. I really am grateful for their trying to work with me on wanting a vaginal birth but it didn't change the heavy feeling of concern in the room as we learned baby boy did worse if I laid on my R side. I was kept on my L for the remainder of my time, this was nice since I could actually see everybody who was with me then. Our midwife announced several hours later she would go home to get some sleep and be back in a flash if things progressed or got worse. We thanked her profusely for sitting with us and explaining things in better detail once the staff would leave the room. Major ease on the nerves, you have no idea. We wished her well and prepped for a long uncomfortable night of very little sleep. My sister and husband "slept" off and on by my my bed with their feet up near mine as mom and dad took the pull out couch.

Kyle and I later kicked the family out to go home and get some better sleep and for them to return in the morning. Kyle took the pull out after that and tried his best to sleep but it's difficult with medical staff that kept coming in to do their thing. The staff was exceptional and kept me at ease save for one nurse who went to adjust my catheter after the doctor checked me and cut me from the inside causing a slow bleed to start that I was never told about till I heard somebody mention I had blood in my urine. Yay for me!

Night dwindled into day and I was introduced to new staff and informed I was going to be passed onto my next doctor. This had me on edge as I was going from a female to a male. However, when I met him I realized I was in safe hands, he had a remarkable bedside manor! He kept a very close eye on the baby's heart rate as it began to dip lower and lower with each contraction, he started to react badly to the induction. Watching your baby's heart dip and watching how he all but stopped moving minus a few times per hour is a very difficult thing...

My family returned in the morning and got the update that things weren't looking good and option "B" was being pulled out of the drawer for possible consideration. They decided to insert a different type of catheter near the baby to start pumping fluid back in to make him "float" as we got word his cord was wrapped around him like a sash and each contraction compressed it. My husband and I had a moment alone and I started to cry as I realized how weak I was and that if it came time for me to push I may not be able to. I stayed 3 cm all night and by now as inching my way to 5cm with growing pressure down below that frightened me, my body was trying to push! I had to force myself to not give in even though it felt incredible to have that feeling I had craved so long for. The level of danger this presented was something far more than I could currently comprehend. As for the tears that met my eyes I told my husband I was pretty sure I didn't have the strength to have this baby vaginally. Kyle remained strong and told me all would turn out just as God had planned and wasn't that always the better option anyway? Yes. The Dr came in and he looked pale saying we didn't have a choice, option "B" was fully on the table. The doctor said this little one was giving him heartburn and he wanted to start prepping me right away. I requested to have a moment alone with my mother as she had gone through 2 C-sections already and I needed my mother with me for a few to help me clear my foggy head. We talked and cried as we knew a dream was being shattered and a mother's worst nightmare for her daughter was coming true. I told her how scared I was but how I just wanted the baby to be safe and I knew something was up that I wasn't being told. I txt Jessica and she told me she'd be there in 20, Praise God for that!

The team came in and very quickly rushed me out the door, I touched the hands of my family and told them I loved them and that I'd see them soon. The ride down to the operating room was a massive blur...
My husband was getting his O.R. duds and a crash course in what was about to go down. I kept asking where he was, I couldn't see him and that worried me because their hurried nature had me on edge. There wasn't a utterance of prayer that came to me as I felt fear taking over once I reach the room and saw all the lights and equipment. My heart danced for joy when I saw my husband's handsome face looking down at me and smile. My Dr and the anesthesiologist also helped as their tender personalities kept me on level ground and calmed some of my nerves. My husband kept telling me the baby was coming and to focus on that. I was ready, very ready to have this done and to have my baby safely out! They numbed me with a saddle block and was told I would feel A LOT of tugging and pressure during this procedure. They didn't lie about any of it, my head automatically went to the end of Braveheart. Enough said.

I'm sure not every C-section is that intense and I was assured mine was a special case because the baby needed out yesterday. I was feeling pain during the operation and realized that dumb catheter the nurse "fixed" was digging into my side causing excruciating pain. Pain that was far worse than any contraction I'd had at home. I kept telling them what I was feeling and they were shocked I felt that with how drugged I was. They kept intensifying my meds to numb me but nothing helped. The doctor said if I could hold out for a few more I'd see my baby and then they'd knock me out.

The doctor announced moments later the baby was out and he was indeed the little boy we had seen on the sonogram! I heard the doctor's concern rise right after and didn't know why till I learned the baby had a bowel movement and swallowed some then passed another as they pulled him out. Meconium went back into my body giving them ample reason to worry as their work just doubled.

I cried for joy, I couldn't believe there was a baby being shown to me then very quickly rushed over to his own little table so the pediatric staff could tend to him and start clearing his lungs. He wasn't crying very much and what he was doing he was doing very softly. Kyle cut the cord and beamed coming back to my side telling me how beautiful our son was, he bent down and gave me a kiss. I was informed it was time to knock me out so I told my husband I loved him and was gone.

My husband and family almost lost both me and the baby twice that day I learned.

Waking up was difficult.

I remember begging to see my mother and I remember being given meds in my iv that really hurt.
I was finally allowed to leave the recovery unit and getting wheeled past my family and Jessica while Kyle went to go be with our new son. I also remember getting back to the room and them telling me roll if I could to have me help them as they moved me to the bed in my new room. HA! Yeah right, I couldn't move my body from the chest down almost. The move was painful non-the-less! Morphine was injected into my iv on top of the other pain med I was given and I was left in a VERY loopy state. (I've been told I sounded drunk.) My mommy never left my side and that was a true comfort since I was in such a useless state and had no clue what was going on half the time. Both she and Jessica made sure I was okay and then Jessica stepped out to go see the baby before she took off for home. A nurse soon came in and wanted to hold this in depth conversation on lactation and breast feeding, talk about my "welcome folder" etc... I was quite shocked because I must've looked more coherent than I felt. Goofy medical staff, always wanting to talk when you simply can't. No wonder people are in hospitals so long, you NEVER rest! (People aren't joking when they say such things.)

The moment finally came where they decided I was awake enough to go see our son.
I was wheeled down in the bed to the NICU and will never forget hold my little bundle I had carried for 41 weeks! The pregnancy wasn't an easy one but I did enjoy the feeling of him move and watching my belly grow with each passing week. Part of me misses being pregnant very badly actually (I'll explain in a later post)... Seeing that sweet face for the first time and holding that small body in my arms didn't set in till much later. How I wish there was more privacy in those moments and how I wish he would've let me nurse him but he wouldn't latch due to the drugs messing with my system and them telling me I wasn't developed enough for him to nurse. They told me he needed fed and his best option to start gaining strength was for them to feed him formula... Inwardly I broke apart as I knew I wasn't gong to be the first to feed my child and his first meal wasn't going to be us bonding as he fed from my breast.

After that my time was spent going back and forth from the NICU for a week.

But I say this...

My heart is singing a song of praise that my little one's life was spared,
That my God let me live to watch him grow and to live with the man I call husband,
To see my family and to cherish this new adventure!

I am no longer just a daughter, sister, wife and best friend... I am a Mommy!!!

May I introduce the newest little love in my life...

Kylan Joshua!!
6lbs 15oz
21 inches
Born into this world via emergency C-section on February 20th, 2013 at 2:43 p.m.

Our pride and joy is showing us new ways of leaning on God and His strength but we wouldn't trade him for the world! I don't know how to love him sometimes because I feel SO much in my heart! 
My God is good and we have chosen to give our little one back to his Heavenly Father since He blessed us with what we prayed so long for. Both of us dreamed of him since we were little and to now have him here is nothing short of miraculous. 

Thank you for taking the time to follow me along this journey, 
And thank you for reading the birth of my amazing little boy!! 

Shannon <3


Mothers Day 2013

Almost 4mos later and he's my little chub! 
June 2013

Now to start a new blog....